Robert Wang–

Although the end of the school year is only a month away, senioritis has spread like a highly contagious virus. In fact, its impact has already risen to an unprecedented level. In an attempt to regain control of their academic lives, as well as their sanity, the seniors at RCDS have devised unique methods to combat the onslaught of laziness, procrastination, and Netflix binges. 

For starters, seniors have already begun planning their three month long summer vacation—not while enjoying their free blocks or at home but during class. While one may see a diligent student on the surface, that senior is meticulously planning an island-hopping getaway while under the guise of taking notes. When caught in the act, seniors claim to be “experimenting with different outlets for inspiration.”

Many seniors have also found a temporary cure to senioritis in a new form of competition. Students are challenging each other with dares that get bolder by the minute. Epic battles of “How Many Classes Can I Skip in a Day?” and “Who Can Sleep the Longest During Advisory?” are waged in the halls, while also exerting their influence on the poor ninth graders, who are now being forced to complete their older peers’ assignments on a weekly basis. Teachers and faculty have tried bringing an end to these battles by imposing new rules such as permanent seating charts and “phone-lockups.” This is to no avail; disgruntled seniors have gone on full-fledged strikes by refusing to speak in class. The bolder ones, specifically those who had borne most of the brunt of the new “laws,” have even gone as far as organizing stealth missions to retrieve their lost devices from teachers’ offices, conveniently leaving unpleasant surprises behind. (A teacher, who has chosen to remain anonymous, recently reported that they found three dead mice in one of their drawers alongside a nasty message written in red.) 

These pranks have caused teachers to become so frustrated that they too seem to have caught senioritis. Instead of covering all subject topics and grading papers as fast as possible, teachers are now finding every excuse to banish the seniors from their classrooms. From sending them out to the fields with the excuse of “math exploration” to calling in sick suspiciously often, all of the teachers’ efforts have gone into minimizing interactions with their seniors. Now, they just can’t wait to see their once beloved students march out of the Pinkham Building once and for all. 

Seniors are determined to make it to graduation day. Although senioritis may be a formidable opponent, they are more than ready to face the future; after they’ve finished binge watching The Office for the fifth time in a row, of course.